It's not that bad...

So... It's been like a kajillion (yes, I used that word) years since I've written a post. Let's face it: my life here is much less exciting than it was in Uganda.

So here's a quick update: I'm currently living and working in Alexandria. I have a full time job as a receptionist at a clinic. I drive to Natchitoches most weekends to go to church... I have no idea when I'm going back to Africa... That might sum it up...

For the past few months I have had a friend who has generously been letting me use her car as I do not have one... It has been a huge blessing and I cannot believe her selflessness in letting me use her car. That being said, I don't have it any longer and today has been my first day without a car. As I've told a few people this they have kind of acted like it's the end of the world in a "how will you ever survive not being able to go any and everywhere you please whenever you want to" type of way.

These are the times I miss Africa and loathe the society I live in... Do you know how many people in the world live without a car..? Well, I don't either, but in Uganda: a lot.

The thing I dislike most about America is that most people expect a huge amount of comfort in their life without ever thinking what if it weren't there?

What if you didn't have air conditioning? What if you didn't have cable? or a tv for that matter? What if you didn't have 4G everywhere you went? What if you didn't have a microwave, stove, oven and you had to cook on charcoal? What if you didn't have electricity or running water or health care?

I know that seems extreme, but that's the reality for a large part of the world. We live in abundance. We live in excess. We live in paradise. yet, what do we do with it? We complain. We want more. We keep wishing for better and coveting what other people have. We complain about what other people pray for.

So what started all of this. I don't have a car. My home and my office are less than a half mile from each other. I can walk from door to door in 7 minutes. (yes I know it's hot outside. it's Louisiana and summer. it's hot, I get that.) I have 2 grocery stores less than a mile from my house. There's a McDonalds and a Wendy's like a block or 2 away. I don't have it nearly as bad as most people without cars. Most things I need are just a short walk  away.

Sure, it's inconvenient and so unAmerican to not mind walking in the heat. But honestly, it's one thing I seriously miss about Uganda... just walking places. And while I could mope and cry and feel sorry for myself that I don't have a car right now, I'm choosing to see how lucky I am for what I do have. That God knew my need before I did and had me move to an apartment where I could do without a car. That He put me in a place that I can walk to everything I need. That He gave me experience in Uganda of walking places that I really enjoy.

So what I'm saying is... I'm blessed and I'm thankful and I'm choosing to be unAmerican and just be happy for what God has given me. And I hope you will be too!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Brilliant Light

This will not be a post where I talk about how much I miss Africa (even though I do!)

There's this question that everyone asks me: How was your trip?

I hate that question. Not because I don't have an answer, but because I have too many answers and not enough words to express the vast range of emotions that go through me whenever I think about it.

But last night I went with Heather to see the fireworks. And I had a revelation. My trip and everything it entailed was like a firework. Brilliant light. Dazzling. Explosions of color. Loud noises. Joy so deep you can't tell where it started. Excitement. Laughter. So many other things.

But just like fireworks, you have to be there to truly understand it. If you didn't see it for yourself, there really aren't enough words to express what you saw and felt. You can try, but no one will understand till try see for themselves.

So when I am asked how was your trip, those are all the things I want to say. And so many more. It was a dazzling display of brilliant light that you can't even begin to imagine.

Until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

I Hate Jiggers...

During my first 2 trips to Uganda I had heard of Jiggers. I knew what they were, but it wasn't until my third week here this time around that I got to experience them first hand...

Jiggers are tiny black bugs that burrow under your skin, most of the time in your feet, and lay eggs under your skin. When you remove them (which isn't all that painful if you catch them early) it leaves a hole in your skin until it heals. If you don't catch them, they get more and more painful, they can become infected, and if you wait too long the eggs hatch and basically explode out of your skin. Leaving an even bigger hole than if you remove them.

My third week here I found between 20 and 30 in my feet. It was annoying but not all that bad. I still have no idea how or why I got so many, when most of the other girls got one or two. But I quickly became the expert jigger remover.

In the village, the kids are infested with them. Some of them have horrible scars and holes all over their hands and feet. These kids walk barefoot everywhere, so they are just prone to get these bugs that live in feces infested soil. Zirobwe is a farming village. They all have crops and animals and it's the perfect place for jiggers to thrive.

Well after my own bout with jiggers, I decided it would be wonderful to go to the village, clean the kids' feet, remove and treat their jiggers, and then give them new shoes. Well, after this week, I'm glad my idea never panned out.

As I got to the village on Monday, Shannon had a 2 year old little girl named Nettie in her lap and was trying to remove a jigger from her finger. Nettie wasn't cooperating, so Shannon called me. She held Nettie while I worked on her finger. Half of her thumb was jigger. I worked to remove it, and Nettie took it like a champ. I got it out and she had a gaping hole in her finger. We began to treat it and then the drama began. She was not a fan of mine and I can imagine why... I then checked her feet and found another one in her foot. I tried and tried to get it out. She cried and squirmed and looked at me like I was a monster. It broke my heart. I just wanted her to understand that it was for her good, that it needed to be done. But I had to give up.

I then removed a huge one from her older brother's toe. He did amazing, even though I know he was in so much pain. It breaks my heart to see kids hurting. I hate it.

As I thought about watching this little girl go through all of this and I just wanted her to know it was for her own good. I think God looks at us that way. Sometimes we go through things that seem so painful and we look at Him like He's a monster, but HE knows what's best for us. He knows that sometimes pain is for our own good. He knows that sometimes, the only way you can heal is to deal with some pain.

But let it be known, even though God used jiggers to teach me a lesson: I still hate them, and pray that I don't have to deal with them a ton in my future.

Until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

She Survived.

In a place like Zirobwe, Uganda... age is a thing to be admired. Old age means survival. Old age means you've beat the odds. You've survived malaria, war, poverty, hardship, sickness, aids, violence, starvation, etc.

As we walked up to her home, I was amazed at how old and worn she looked. I was honored as she bowed her old, feeble knees to us as a sign of respect. She bows to me.... I barely know how to process it. I want to sit and talk to her. I want to know her story. I want to know what she's been through. I want to know how she finds the strength to kneel on the hard ground, just to honor us. She astounds me.

In a place like Uganda, she has beat all the odds. She has made it. I want to know all the words of wisdom she has and I want to soak it all in. I want to know how you find the strength to go on day after day in poverty. It's so hard for me to understand how she does it. The joy on her face as she accepts the mosquito net we've brought her is beautiful. I know that the reason she has made it, the reason for the perseverance is nothing but Jesus. It has to be.

I want Jesus that much in my life...  So much so that the circumstances of my life don't matter. That I can trust in Him so much amid so many things that don't make since and don't seem fair. I want that joy, that trust, that hope.

And I believe God is showing it to me.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Blessings in Disguise

Since I've been in this beautiful country, there have been several times that things have frustrated me, but which ultimately turned out to be blessings. Most of these blessings in disguise have had a central theme from God... "Slow down and spend time with me..."

Now the first instance I'm gonna share has nothing to do with the above theme, but it's the first one that happened. As many of you may remember, toward the end of October another missionary and I had our wallets and cameras stolen. What could have been a devastating event really wasn't that bad. God protected us in so many ways. It could've been so much worse. It was just stuff... and through the way we handled it a lot of people were impressed and realized the peace that comes from knowing the Lord! When your money and camera and IDs get stolen, it could be very easy to freak out and lose perspective. Somehow we never did and I believe God has blessed us for that.

Over Thanksgiving we had the power go out for 5 days. When it went out and I wasn't able to Skype my family on my favorite holiday, I was upset to say the least. But as those 5 days without power and internet unfolded, God showed us His plan. He wanted us to sit with Him, to stop focusing on what was going on at home and to focus on what He was doing here. We had 5 days of worship, bonding, and spending time in the quiet and stillness with Him.

Just last week, I went to the craft market and fell while I was there. I twisted my ankle and got bumps and bruises all over my body. By last Sunday night I could barely walk and I was freaking out!!! As everyone left for the village the next morning, I decided I should stay behind and rest my ankle. During those 2 1/2 days alone I was able to focus, gain new perspective, and begin to process that I leave this place very soon. I was able to spend time with Him and He began to reveal some of His purposes in my time here. He began to show me how, in His sovereignty He arranged every moment of my trip for my ultimate good. And above all, I just have more time and quiet to spend with Him.

This morning I was doing a favor for Emily and dropping off some stuff at Internal Affairs for her visa renewal. She has been here 6 months and plans to stay 6 more, but she is meeting all kinds of resistance and difficulty in renewing her visa. Will you pray for her that doors will be opened and her visa will be approved? Anyway, back to the story. I went to drop off her paperwork and was told that 2 things weren't good enough and she would have to try again. I was very frustrated for her because I went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago. I decided that I would walk for a ways toward home... So I walked for about an hour. I worshiped God, I prayed, I breathed in the amazing African air that I will miss so much...Most of all, I spent time with Him! I walked about 6.3 km and had a great time!

God uses unexpected things to get me into His presence and I am so grateful! I am so glad I serve a God who wants intimate time with me. He desires me more than I could ever imagine. The Most High God wants me! and He wants you too!!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Last Sunday

Today was a great day... My last Sunday in the village and it was everything I could've dreamed of.

Today was the first day that they held the service in the actual church building. Which was amazing! And it was children's Sunday. Most Sundays the kids have completely different church from the adults. It's led by us, the missionaries and is held under a portable canopy with all of us sitting on the ground. Today we joined big church and the kids were a big part of it!

It started with worship and some testimonies. Then I and another one of the missionaries were asked to get up and introduce ourselves and share with the church a word of encouragement... We were not prepared or warned about this in any way. But when hundreds of Ugandans are staring at you waiting for a word, you just pray that God will give you one!

Then the kids part: a Christmas play!!! The Christmas story was told and they acted it out! It was one of the cutest things I've ever seen! The kids and the parents were so excited! It is the first thing like that that has ever happened in the village and everyone did a great job. The audience laughed in all the right places.It was wonderful!

Then the older class, ages 9-14ish were all awarded Bibles and 9 of those kids were given special gifts for memorizing Scripture! It was so cool!

Then the Sunday School choir performed a few songs and we spent the next few very hectic hours we handed out shoes to a lot of kids in the village.

It was so much fun just spending the day worshiping with the kids and getting to see their families. This is a day I will treasure for a long long time!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Looking Forward

So since last night I wrote about the things I'll miss when I leave this place, I thought this morning I would write about the things I'm looking forward to going home. Most of these will be super shallow, but who cares?

I cannot wait to run into the arms of my family.
I cannot wait to hug my mom. She's one of the best huggers in the world.
I cannot wait to laugh until I cry with my best friend and sister, Heather.
I cannot wait to talk about life and the Word of God with the Cordells.
I cannot wait to make an awkward meal with Amber.
I cannot wait to try to figure out what we're going to do with our day with Steph.
I cannot wait to spend Christmas with my family: my sisters, parents and nieces and nephews.
I cannot wait to eat meat again.
I cannot wait to drive.
I cannot wait to take a shower and actually feel clean.
I cannot wait to wear clean clothes.
I cannot wait to feel the cold December air that tells me it's Christmas time.
I cannot wait to be back in my church, with the people who have become my family over the past almost 5 years.
I cannot wait to worship with the body.
I cannot wait to see Josiah and Caleb (who I'm sure have grown way too much over the last 4 months)
I cannot wait for Christmas and everything that goes with it,
I just cannot wait to be home.

As much as I will miss this place and so many things about it. I miss my home and my family and everything I love there.

Oh, and I cannot wait to share with all of you how God has changed my heart and life in these last months.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

I will miss

For the past few days there have been about a kajillion things that I have wanted to blog about, to spill my heart about all God is doing here and about all the things that are running through my mind, a million topics a minute... If I could just find the words to wrap around all that I am feeling and all that I am thinking about... Well then you would never have time to read it all. I just thought I'd tell you about some stuff I'm gonna miss...

I will miss these kids who scream my name every time they see me.
I will miss them jumping into my arms and trying to squeeze the life out of me.
I will miss almost falling over because they are pulling me in 5 different directions.
I will miss seeing the toys they make for themselves... Balls out of plastic bags, cars out of juice boxes...
I will miss the feeling of walking down a dirt road, trying to avoid the mud and the taxis speeding down the street.
I will miss the girls I live with who have moved from roommates, to friends, to sisters, and will forever be a part of my heart and life.
I will miss doing ministry with them every single day.
I knowing everything about their day and them knowing everything about mine.
I will miss the laughs we share together over common annoyances.
I will miss cooking for them.
I will miss the Ugandan staff who have become such a large part of my life.
I will miss hearing Luganda that I can't understand.
I will miss being called Nahni by everyone.
I will miss the deep greens and burnt oranges of this place.
I will miss the red dust always on my feet and ground into my clothes.
I will miss the poverty that somehow bring about so much richness.
I will miss the fresh pineapple.
I will miss long rides in the van crammed with too many people and too much stuff.
I will miss bumpy roads that give you "African massages"
I will miss climbing into the top bunk and pulling my mosquito net for the night.
I might even miss Herman the mouse (or mice) and waking up to the most annoying rooster in the world.

But I think most of all I will miss the necessity of relying on God for everything here.

I am praying that as I head back to comfort, God won't let me become comfortable. I want to every day, every hour need Him more than I need anything else. I want to rely on Him the way I do here. I want to stand out at home because of my relationship with Him as much as I stand out here because of the color of my skin. I want continued intimacy. I want deeper relationship. I want to rely on Him for every single need. I want to be hungry for His Word, His presence. His Spirit.

I want to want Him as much as He wants me!!!!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

2 weeks

How can 2 weeks seem like an eternity and like it can pass in the blink of an eye at the same time?

I have less than 2 weeks left in this beautiful country (for now at least) and my emotions are all over the place! On one hand I miss my family and friends more than I can express. They mean the world to me and it's been almost 4 months since I've seen them. On the other hand, this place has become a home to me. The girls I live with have become my family. The kids who scream my name every time they see me have become my joy every single day.

I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to this place, but I sure do know what I'm running into the arms of when I go home.

I frequently ask God why He put my heart in 2 different places on the opposite sides of the world... I think He did it because He wants me to rely on Him. When things aren't hard in my life, I begin to think I can do things on my own. Newsflash: I can do nothing without Him. So on the days when my heart is torn in 2, I have to rely on Him. I have to know that His ways are far above what I can comprehend. I have to know that He sustains me and He is my only source of true strength. I can only turn to Him when I'm in Uganda and I miss people so much it hurts. I can only turn to Him when I return to America and my heart aches for the kids I will leave here.

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

I would appreciate your prayers as my time here winds down. That God would be able to do everything He purposes through me while I'm here. And that He would be my refuge and my comfort and make this transition as easy as possible...

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Darkness

So, this has been the longest I have gone since being here without writing a blog post. There are a lot of reason for that, but the main one is that we were without power for 5 days.

It has been an interesting week (maybe a little more). I have celebrated Thanksgiving in Africa (I've also begun celebrating Christmas here, even though I won't be here for Christmas day). Thanksgiving was hard, but it was also better than I ever thought it would be. It was made even harder by not having power because I wasn't able to Skype with my family who I miss so so much!

But we made the best of what we had. Thanksgiving dinner we had chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, green beans, and gravy. I prepared the whole meal, which I was very proud of. We all sat down around the table (which 2 of the girls had decorated. It looked absolutely amazing!) We all shared what we were thankful for and then dug into one of the best meals I've had since being here! During our meal the power went out (technically the power company came and cut our power line).

I think we made the most of a bad situation. We have a tendency to all go off into our own little world and be on our laptops all the time. It sometimes feels a lot like America how dependent we all are on our electronics. And we are so used to being able to contact our families anytime we want. During our 5 "dark days" we spent a lot of time together. We talked a lot, made Christmas decorations, we had a good bit of time to worship. I spent a lot of time reading and studying my Bible.

It was really nice to kind of have a time out from everything and focus on what God has me here for... especially since I have so little time left here. I am so ready to be home, but at the same time I want God to completely be in control of the time I left here. I want these last few weeks to be so full of Him, that it blows my mind.

Tomorrow morning we will leave Kampala to spend 3 days in the village. I'm kind of really excited! (putting aside the fact that I hate being without the convenience of being in the city). I can't wait to see what God is going to do in the coming days!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Overflowing

I truly believe the only way to show God's love to people you encounter that you have to be so full of God's love that it overflows to those you come in contact with.

Some days I feel like if I scraped down to my toes I might be able to find some to give away, but I'm very rarely overflowing...

A lot of this week I have spent frustrated, in pain, tired, and just scraping along. How can God use that? Well, somehow He does any way. I bet God would be a lot more glorified in my life if instead of just getting by, I was so full of His love and presence that it just over flowed out of me.

This isn't only true for me, a missionary in a third world country. It's true for you to. God has called us to be salt and light. Wherever we are. In Uganda, in Natchitoches, in your office, in your school, in your home, everywhere.

Don't let your salt lose its flavor and don't let your light become dim. Spend time with Him. Don't give out of obligation and don't try to drag water from a dry well. Go to the source. He is all you need.

(Most of this was directed right at me, but I thought you might want the reminder too!)

until all have heard,

lauren michelle gross

Hard

Life here is not easy or convenient.

I don't have a car and I can't go places anytime I want to. I have to pay for a taxi or bodaboda or walk.

I'm never clean even right after I step out of the shower.

Mail and packages are not delivered to your door. You have to take a 2 or 3 or sometimes even 4 hour trip into town to the post office and frequently what you went to get isn't there.

There are no "quick meals". Everything has to be made from scratch.

Most of the things I eat at home are not available here and if they are, they're very expensive.

I see things here every day that would be considered abuse in the States. I see people live in poverty unlike anything else I've ever seen. I see people work and work and work and barely make any money.

Most things here operate in such a backwards way, it astounds me.

Life here isn't easy, but it's totally worth it.

Because of the lack of convenience and ease, I am forced to rely on God. I have to put my trust in Him, because I know there's no other way to get through it.

I have to trust that He is taking care of the things that I cannot see. This is a place of total dependence on Him. And as much as I love the easy life I live in the US, I love relying on Him more. One of my biggest fears is getting comfortable and forgetting that I need Him. Because I do. Every day. Every hour. I need Him whether I think I do or not.

Until all have heard,

lauren michelle gross

At the Cross...

They sit alone on the streets... They don't look you in eye or ever say a word, but their presence screams at you. Their hopelessness is tangible. They have nothing and I have so much. They are beggars on the street and that's probably all they'll ever be. They are children who are abandoned and unloved. If I could, I would bring them all home with me. I would tell them of a father in Heaven who loves them and has plans for them, who can bring them out of the muck and the mire that is all they've ever known. I could spend days, weeks, years picking up one child after another and there would still be more who are sent to the streets to beg every day.

Some days I feel like if I could just have the money to provide for these kids everything would be okay. Sometimes I think that if I could just focus on the kids that I can help that faces will stop haunting me. If I just do for one what I wish I could do for everyone, then it would all be okay. There are some days that I feel like if I just curl up in my bed and block the world out, it will  be okay. But until God sets up His kingdom on Earth, it's not all going to be okay.

We live in a lost and broken world. God sends us as salt and light into the world, to be what He is. He sends to redeemed to redeem. He sends the healed to heal. He sends the found to find. He uses the restored to restore. 

We look at the world and think that there's nothing that can be done. The world is just too far gone. There is too much brokenness, too much suffering, too much hunger, too much sin. It seems so impossible to make a difference in the world. But the cross looked like an impossible situation. There is hope in Christ. There is restoration for the world coming and it's our job to be salt and light in the tiny corner of the world God has given us. We may not feel like we're making a huge difference. I may continue to have my heart broken by the things I see here, but God is doing eternal things every time we are faithful to what He calls us to.

As I typed this out, these lyrics are stuck in my head:

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me,

There's no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now?

He has overcome the grave! Is there anything left that He can't overcome? Certainly not. I place my trust in Him and follow Him as faithfully as I can!


Until all have heard
lauren michelle gross

Belief = Obedience

My 24 birthday came with some pretty amazing gifts: from my sister I got a new study Bible that I've wanted for a while, and from some friends I got the Precept Covenant Study! I loved these gifts so much because they have been great tools in my relationship with Christ. I loved loved studying my new Bible and I loved learning about what it means to be in Covenant with God.

All that to say... while I was studying today I learned (or I guess was just reminded of) something very important. When you accept salvation through Jesus Christ, when you believe in Him, when you put your faith in Him, obedience follows.

This morning I woke up to find out that the presidential election didn't turn out the way I had hoped... For the past few weeks, every time I thought about the state of my country it almost made me sick. As I found out Obama had been reelected, I felt sick. But what does God call us to do? be obedient to His Word. To pray for our leaders and to give them respect. All leadership is God ordained, and God know what He is doing. So I put my faith in God, and I am praying for my president and all the leadership that God has set up in my country. Belief in God leads to obedience.

I have also been worried about things going on at home... Where am I going to live? Am I going to be able to find a job? Are things going to be done in time for us to go to Passion? (and a few other things). God tell me not to worry. He says the troubles of today are enough without piling on the worries of tomorrow. And since belief in God leads to obedience... it's time for me to trust that God is working things out... If I have faith in Him, I must have faith in His plans and His complete control.

With faith, belief, and obedience I hand it over to God!

until all have heard,

lauren michelle gross

Angels are Rejoicing!

Today was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot stress that enough. This morning started with Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal... (I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it totally was!) Then we went to New Brainstorm Primary School and had program with them. It was a great time.

Me preaching at City Side

I then got the opportunity to preach at a High School Scripture Union. This is a gathering of Christian students that they have every day of the week. There were a few hundred kids present and I was kinda freaked out about speaking to them. I've had a hard week. I was not confident that what I was sharing would be relevant to these kids whose lives I can barely understand. These kids live harder lives than I can imagine and they are so faithful to God. I was nervous to say the least.

I got up and began to share about Rahab... In the New Testament she was known for her faith... but most of her life she was known as a prostitute. God brought her out of her sin and grafted her into the family of God. And through her, Christ was born. She is in the lineage of my Savoir... God can use anyone.

My 4 New Christian Brothers!!!

When I got done speaking, I found out that 4 young men accepted the Lord!!! Amazing! God can use even me. I would like you to know that angels are rejoicing over these 4 men's decision. And I'm rejoicing too!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Stolen

Isn't it just like the devil to take a perfectly good day and try to ruin it? Well that's what happened today.

This morning started off great! French toast for breakfast, waking up as late as I want (granted I woke up at 7, but I could've slept later), straightened my hair and got all dressed up for lunch with the girls, had pizza, chicken, fries, and ice cream for lunch... sounds like a great day right?

So we get done with lunch and grab a taxi to head home (taxis here are 14 passenger. more like a bus system that a taxi). But we get into a taxi and a bunch of shady things happen that we didn't put together until later. We end up getting out of the taxi cause it's not going to the right place... We stop at a supermarket to look for some things, and I go to pay for it. My wallet is gone. We meet back up with 2 girls who went a separate way... Emily's wallet is gone. Shortly after that, we realize both of our cameras are gone.

The men in the taxi purposely made us sit apart, they distracted each of us so that we would take our hands off of our bags... It is very frustrating. Both of us lost some money, our IDs, and our debit cards....we are both trying to figure out the best way to proceed with getting money for the rest of our stay, not having cameras and losing our IDs.

Both of us are in good spirits. We are grateful that we and the other girls with us were not physically harmed (much worse things could have happened.), we are grateful that there were other people with us that could pay for our taxi ride home, we are grateful that we weren't carrying more money than we were... We are grateful that God protected us in all the ways that He did.

As I think about what I have lost I am praying that what the enemy has taken, God will give back in His perfect timing.

Thankful that God's hand was on me today...

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Grace...

For the past few weeks I have been somewhat quiet and not posting a whole lot. For the past month and half we have done basically the same thing every week. While I love some of the projects we do, I get bored very easily and the things I encounter every day become more and more commonplace. But God got me thinking this week about something.

We were at a school called New Brainstorm Primary School. We go to this school a couple of times a week. On Tuesdays we go in the afternoon and teach them English and on Fridays we go and do our normal kid's program with them.

Emily and I teach the P3 class which is somewhat equivalent to second grade in America. So these kids should be around 7 years old. Some of the kids in our class are very bright and I believe they will do great things. But there's this one kid who tugs at my heart every time we go... His name is Ssebagala Grace and he is 14 years old and in P3. I don't know his circumstances: whether he's failed grades or started school late or something else all together. My heart goes out to him so much. Not only is he in a class with kids half his age, he has no confidence. I have a feeling that he is teased in and outside of class, called stupid, made fun of for being in P3. I have such a heart for this kid. I think about the likelihood of him continuing in school considering how far behind he is. It is likely that he will drop out and give up on  a successful future.

As I see him I think of the babies that are put on street corners to beg for money, the kids who come up to our car window begging for any and everything we have, I think of all the kids who will probably have no future because of the circumstances they were born into. I search for God's answer to all of the things that break my heart every day... Well, He hasn't given me the answer and He probably never will.

This week I will speak to the headmaster of New Brainstorm about giving Grace personal tutoring 1 or 2 times a week. While I can't solve the problems of a nation and society, I might be able to (with God's help) be able to change the confidence of one young man who I desperately want to see succeed.

Pray for Grace. Pray that God would continue to give me ideas on how to change Uganda one life at a time...

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

In loving memory

As I write this post tears stream down my face and blur the computer screen. Since I've been in Uganda there have been several conversations with my mom that I wish I could've avoided. I just had one of those convos.

Brother Jimmie Pyles

Today I would like to pay honor to a man very near and dear to my heart. Rev. Jimmie Pyles was in my life before my life started. Before I could stand, I stood in his hands. Before I could speak, he loved me like a grandfather. He was (and might always be) my pastor. From the time I was born, till I was probably 9 years old he was the Senior Pastor at FUMC Pineville. I wish I could explain the impact this loving man had on my life. Though he left our church when I was 9, he never stepped out of my life. Through the last 15 years he has supported me, prayed for me, financially supported me in missions, and so much more than I probably ever know. It was and is an honor to have been a part of his life and to have him be a part of mine.

I am heartbroken to hear that he has left this world to be with the one he so faithfully served while he was here. Knowing him made me know the Lord more. He was one of those people who once he entered your life it became fuller and richer than you thought it could be. He served God in humility with all he had. Being with him made you want to know Jesus more. I know that as he entered the kingdom his Master whispered in his ear "well done, my good and faithful servant."

As I grieve the loss of this amazing man, I am hoping and praying that I can live a life that impacts the kingdom the way he did, that I can love unconditionally, that I can cast aside everything not of the Lord, that I can live a life worthy of the calling God has placed on my life. I pray that I can be found faithful.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

54 days...

It has been 54 days since I have not had to worry about about whether I would have enough food for the day. 54 days since I have felt air conditioner blow on my skin. 54 days since I have experienced peace and quiet. 54 days since I've seen the people who mean the most to me.54 days since I've slept in a comfortable bed. 54 days since I've been in a car that I didn't feel like I was gonna die in. 54 days without all the luxuries that I've had 24 years to get used to. 54 days I've been covered in red dirt from head to toe. 54 days I've been living in a country that is completely contrary to what I've always known.

54 days feels like a lifetime... Sometimes I scarcely remember what it feels like to be home... but in just 58 short days I will board a plane and head back to the states.

I only 58 more days to be screamed at by children and chased down the streets... 58 days to have my personal space invaded. 58 days to plant seeds into kids' lives who have never known love or personal attention. 58 days to be called Mzungu! Mzungu! 58 more days of dust on my feet. 58  more days of kisses and hugs and watching kids slide down a hill on a piece of plastic. 58 more days of a completely full heart at the end of each day... 58 short days.

Time flies and drags on... I miss home and love being here. How do you reconcile loving 2 places so much that your heart hurts no matter where you are? For now I am grateful to be here for the short time God has allowed me and I am grateful that when I leave here I go to a place and to people I love just as much!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Small

I am Small. Even in this very small, very poor, very broken country that I am living in... I am small. I am seemingly insignificant. What could one American in a broken country of nearly 35,000,000 do to change anything? I live in a city of almost 2,000,000 people. How can I possibly think I can change a single thing?

Well because the Holy Spirit of God dwells within me. I am small, but He is huge! As long as my roots dwell in Him, He can grow me into anything He wishes me to be. He can accomplish anything He wants to!

Why am I writing about this? Well, this week the fact that I am very small has been made evident. As I sit in scripture unions with hundreds of high school students, as I walk down crowded streets where the only reason I'm noticed is because I look drastically different than everyone around me, as I play with kids who are sick and I can do nothing to help them... It's all so much all the time here. We do 10-15 projects a week encountering hundreds if not thousands of kids. What difference can be made?

Well for the one kid who sits on my lap for hours, love is making a huge different... Because he or she probably gets no one on one attention from anyone all week long. For the kid whose cut I clean and bandage, it makes the difference of increasing pain and infection or a cut that heals in a few days. To the child who's never heard I love you, being showered with kisses means the world.

Can I save Uganda? Probably not. Can I plant a seed that might one day save the life of a child who is dearly loved by the King of the Universe? Absolutely. So while I feel insignificant a lot of the time... To someone, I am changing a life! And that's a pretty big deal.

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone!

Lyrics from a song that has meant a lot to me this week: For your Splendor by Christy Nockels

With my roots deep in you

I will grow the branch that bares the fruit

And though I’m small I still will be standing in the storm.

Cause I am planted by the river

By your streams of living water

And I will grow up strong and beautiful all for your splendor Lord.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross