Brilliant Light

This will not be a post where I talk about how much I miss Africa (even though I do!)

There's this question that everyone asks me: How was your trip?

I hate that question. Not because I don't have an answer, but because I have too many answers and not enough words to express the vast range of emotions that go through me whenever I think about it.

But last night I went with Heather to see the fireworks. And I had a revelation. My trip and everything it entailed was like a firework. Brilliant light. Dazzling. Explosions of color. Loud noises. Joy so deep you can't tell where it started. Excitement. Laughter. So many other things.

But just like fireworks, you have to be there to truly understand it. If you didn't see it for yourself, there really aren't enough words to express what you saw and felt. You can try, but no one will understand till try see for themselves.

So when I am asked how was your trip, those are all the things I want to say. And so many more. It was a dazzling display of brilliant light that you can't even begin to imagine.

Until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

I Hate Jiggers...

During my first 2 trips to Uganda I had heard of Jiggers. I knew what they were, but it wasn't until my third week here this time around that I got to experience them first hand...

Jiggers are tiny black bugs that burrow under your skin, most of the time in your feet, and lay eggs under your skin. When you remove them (which isn't all that painful if you catch them early) it leaves a hole in your skin until it heals. If you don't catch them, they get more and more painful, they can become infected, and if you wait too long the eggs hatch and basically explode out of your skin. Leaving an even bigger hole than if you remove them.

My third week here I found between 20 and 30 in my feet. It was annoying but not all that bad. I still have no idea how or why I got so many, when most of the other girls got one or two. But I quickly became the expert jigger remover.

In the village, the kids are infested with them. Some of them have horrible scars and holes all over their hands and feet. These kids walk barefoot everywhere, so they are just prone to get these bugs that live in feces infested soil. Zirobwe is a farming village. They all have crops and animals and it's the perfect place for jiggers to thrive.

Well after my own bout with jiggers, I decided it would be wonderful to go to the village, clean the kids' feet, remove and treat their jiggers, and then give them new shoes. Well, after this week, I'm glad my idea never panned out.

As I got to the village on Monday, Shannon had a 2 year old little girl named Nettie in her lap and was trying to remove a jigger from her finger. Nettie wasn't cooperating, so Shannon called me. She held Nettie while I worked on her finger. Half of her thumb was jigger. I worked to remove it, and Nettie took it like a champ. I got it out and she had a gaping hole in her finger. We began to treat it and then the drama began. She was not a fan of mine and I can imagine why... I then checked her feet and found another one in her foot. I tried and tried to get it out. She cried and squirmed and looked at me like I was a monster. It broke my heart. I just wanted her to understand that it was for her good, that it needed to be done. But I had to give up.

I then removed a huge one from her older brother's toe. He did amazing, even though I know he was in so much pain. It breaks my heart to see kids hurting. I hate it.

As I thought about watching this little girl go through all of this and I just wanted her to know it was for her own good. I think God looks at us that way. Sometimes we go through things that seem so painful and we look at Him like He's a monster, but HE knows what's best for us. He knows that sometimes pain is for our own good. He knows that sometimes, the only way you can heal is to deal with some pain.

But let it be known, even though God used jiggers to teach me a lesson: I still hate them, and pray that I don't have to deal with them a ton in my future.

Until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

She Survived.

In a place like Zirobwe, Uganda... age is a thing to be admired. Old age means survival. Old age means you've beat the odds. You've survived malaria, war, poverty, hardship, sickness, aids, violence, starvation, etc.

As we walked up to her home, I was amazed at how old and worn she looked. I was honored as she bowed her old, feeble knees to us as a sign of respect. She bows to me.... I barely know how to process it. I want to sit and talk to her. I want to know her story. I want to know what she's been through. I want to know how she finds the strength to kneel on the hard ground, just to honor us. She astounds me.

In a place like Uganda, she has beat all the odds. She has made it. I want to know all the words of wisdom she has and I want to soak it all in. I want to know how you find the strength to go on day after day in poverty. It's so hard for me to understand how she does it. The joy on her face as she accepts the mosquito net we've brought her is beautiful. I know that the reason she has made it, the reason for the perseverance is nothing but Jesus. It has to be.

I want Jesus that much in my life...  So much so that the circumstances of my life don't matter. That I can trust in Him so much amid so many things that don't make since and don't seem fair. I want that joy, that trust, that hope.

And I believe God is showing it to me.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Blessings in Disguise

Since I've been in this beautiful country, there have been several times that things have frustrated me, but which ultimately turned out to be blessings. Most of these blessings in disguise have had a central theme from God... "Slow down and spend time with me..."

Now the first instance I'm gonna share has nothing to do with the above theme, but it's the first one that happened. As many of you may remember, toward the end of October another missionary and I had our wallets and cameras stolen. What could have been a devastating event really wasn't that bad. God protected us in so many ways. It could've been so much worse. It was just stuff... and through the way we handled it a lot of people were impressed and realized the peace that comes from knowing the Lord! When your money and camera and IDs get stolen, it could be very easy to freak out and lose perspective. Somehow we never did and I believe God has blessed us for that.

Over Thanksgiving we had the power go out for 5 days. When it went out and I wasn't able to Skype my family on my favorite holiday, I was upset to say the least. But as those 5 days without power and internet unfolded, God showed us His plan. He wanted us to sit with Him, to stop focusing on what was going on at home and to focus on what He was doing here. We had 5 days of worship, bonding, and spending time in the quiet and stillness with Him.

Just last week, I went to the craft market and fell while I was there. I twisted my ankle and got bumps and bruises all over my body. By last Sunday night I could barely walk and I was freaking out!!! As everyone left for the village the next morning, I decided I should stay behind and rest my ankle. During those 2 1/2 days alone I was able to focus, gain new perspective, and begin to process that I leave this place very soon. I was able to spend time with Him and He began to reveal some of His purposes in my time here. He began to show me how, in His sovereignty He arranged every moment of my trip for my ultimate good. And above all, I just have more time and quiet to spend with Him.

This morning I was doing a favor for Emily and dropping off some stuff at Internal Affairs for her visa renewal. She has been here 6 months and plans to stay 6 more, but she is meeting all kinds of resistance and difficulty in renewing her visa. Will you pray for her that doors will be opened and her visa will be approved? Anyway, back to the story. I went to drop off her paperwork and was told that 2 things weren't good enough and she would have to try again. I was very frustrated for her because I went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago. I decided that I would walk for a ways toward home... So I walked for about an hour. I worshiped God, I prayed, I breathed in the amazing African air that I will miss so much...Most of all, I spent time with Him! I walked about 6.3 km and had a great time!

God uses unexpected things to get me into His presence and I am so grateful! I am so glad I serve a God who wants intimate time with me. He desires me more than I could ever imagine. The Most High God wants me! and He wants you too!!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Last Sunday

Today was a great day... My last Sunday in the village and it was everything I could've dreamed of.

Today was the first day that they held the service in the actual church building. Which was amazing! And it was children's Sunday. Most Sundays the kids have completely different church from the adults. It's led by us, the missionaries and is held under a portable canopy with all of us sitting on the ground. Today we joined big church and the kids were a big part of it!

It started with worship and some testimonies. Then I and another one of the missionaries were asked to get up and introduce ourselves and share with the church a word of encouragement... We were not prepared or warned about this in any way. But when hundreds of Ugandans are staring at you waiting for a word, you just pray that God will give you one!

Then the kids part: a Christmas play!!! The Christmas story was told and they acted it out! It was one of the cutest things I've ever seen! The kids and the parents were so excited! It is the first thing like that that has ever happened in the village and everyone did a great job. The audience laughed in all the right places.It was wonderful!

Then the older class, ages 9-14ish were all awarded Bibles and 9 of those kids were given special gifts for memorizing Scripture! It was so cool!

Then the Sunday School choir performed a few songs and we spent the next few very hectic hours we handed out shoes to a lot of kids in the village.

It was so much fun just spending the day worshiping with the kids and getting to see their families. This is a day I will treasure for a long long time!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Looking Forward

So since last night I wrote about the things I'll miss when I leave this place, I thought this morning I would write about the things I'm looking forward to going home. Most of these will be super shallow, but who cares?

I cannot wait to run into the arms of my family.
I cannot wait to hug my mom. She's one of the best huggers in the world.
I cannot wait to laugh until I cry with my best friend and sister, Heather.
I cannot wait to talk about life and the Word of God with the Cordells.
I cannot wait to make an awkward meal with Amber.
I cannot wait to try to figure out what we're going to do with our day with Steph.
I cannot wait to spend Christmas with my family: my sisters, parents and nieces and nephews.
I cannot wait to eat meat again.
I cannot wait to drive.
I cannot wait to take a shower and actually feel clean.
I cannot wait to wear clean clothes.
I cannot wait to feel the cold December air that tells me it's Christmas time.
I cannot wait to be back in my church, with the people who have become my family over the past almost 5 years.
I cannot wait to worship with the body.
I cannot wait to see Josiah and Caleb (who I'm sure have grown way too much over the last 4 months)
I cannot wait for Christmas and everything that goes with it,
I just cannot wait to be home.

As much as I will miss this place and so many things about it. I miss my home and my family and everything I love there.

Oh, and I cannot wait to share with all of you how God has changed my heart and life in these last months.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

I will miss

For the past few days there have been about a kajillion things that I have wanted to blog about, to spill my heart about all God is doing here and about all the things that are running through my mind, a million topics a minute... If I could just find the words to wrap around all that I am feeling and all that I am thinking about... Well then you would never have time to read it all. I just thought I'd tell you about some stuff I'm gonna miss...

I will miss these kids who scream my name every time they see me.
I will miss them jumping into my arms and trying to squeeze the life out of me.
I will miss almost falling over because they are pulling me in 5 different directions.
I will miss seeing the toys they make for themselves... Balls out of plastic bags, cars out of juice boxes...
I will miss the feeling of walking down a dirt road, trying to avoid the mud and the taxis speeding down the street.
I will miss the girls I live with who have moved from roommates, to friends, to sisters, and will forever be a part of my heart and life.
I will miss doing ministry with them every single day.
I knowing everything about their day and them knowing everything about mine.
I will miss the laughs we share together over common annoyances.
I will miss cooking for them.
I will miss the Ugandan staff who have become such a large part of my life.
I will miss hearing Luganda that I can't understand.
I will miss being called Nahni by everyone.
I will miss the deep greens and burnt oranges of this place.
I will miss the red dust always on my feet and ground into my clothes.
I will miss the poverty that somehow bring about so much richness.
I will miss the fresh pineapple.
I will miss long rides in the van crammed with too many people and too much stuff.
I will miss bumpy roads that give you "African massages"
I will miss climbing into the top bunk and pulling my mosquito net for the night.
I might even miss Herman the mouse (or mice) and waking up to the most annoying rooster in the world.

But I think most of all I will miss the necessity of relying on God for everything here.

I am praying that as I head back to comfort, God won't let me become comfortable. I want to every day, every hour need Him more than I need anything else. I want to rely on Him the way I do here. I want to stand out at home because of my relationship with Him as much as I stand out here because of the color of my skin. I want continued intimacy. I want deeper relationship. I want to rely on Him for every single need. I want to be hungry for His Word, His presence. His Spirit.

I want to want Him as much as He wants me!!!!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross