In loving memory

As I write this post tears stream down my face and blur the computer screen. Since I've been in Uganda there have been several conversations with my mom that I wish I could've avoided. I just had one of those convos.

Brother Jimmie Pyles

Today I would like to pay honor to a man very near and dear to my heart. Rev. Jimmie Pyles was in my life before my life started. Before I could stand, I stood in his hands. Before I could speak, he loved me like a grandfather. He was (and might always be) my pastor. From the time I was born, till I was probably 9 years old he was the Senior Pastor at FUMC Pineville. I wish I could explain the impact this loving man had on my life. Though he left our church when I was 9, he never stepped out of my life. Through the last 15 years he has supported me, prayed for me, financially supported me in missions, and so much more than I probably ever know. It was and is an honor to have been a part of his life and to have him be a part of mine.

I am heartbroken to hear that he has left this world to be with the one he so faithfully served while he was here. Knowing him made me know the Lord more. He was one of those people who once he entered your life it became fuller and richer than you thought it could be. He served God in humility with all he had. Being with him made you want to know Jesus more. I know that as he entered the kingdom his Master whispered in his ear "well done, my good and faithful servant."

As I grieve the loss of this amazing man, I am hoping and praying that I can live a life that impacts the kingdom the way he did, that I can love unconditionally, that I can cast aside everything not of the Lord, that I can live a life worthy of the calling God has placed on my life. I pray that I can be found faithful.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

54 days...

It has been 54 days since I have not had to worry about about whether I would have enough food for the day. 54 days since I have felt air conditioner blow on my skin. 54 days since I have experienced peace and quiet. 54 days since I've seen the people who mean the most to me.54 days since I've slept in a comfortable bed. 54 days since I've been in a car that I didn't feel like I was gonna die in. 54 days without all the luxuries that I've had 24 years to get used to. 54 days I've been covered in red dirt from head to toe. 54 days I've been living in a country that is completely contrary to what I've always known.

54 days feels like a lifetime... Sometimes I scarcely remember what it feels like to be home... but in just 58 short days I will board a plane and head back to the states.

I only 58 more days to be screamed at by children and chased down the streets... 58 days to have my personal space invaded. 58 days to plant seeds into kids' lives who have never known love or personal attention. 58 days to be called Mzungu! Mzungu! 58 more days of dust on my feet. 58  more days of kisses and hugs and watching kids slide down a hill on a piece of plastic. 58 more days of a completely full heart at the end of each day... 58 short days.

Time flies and drags on... I miss home and love being here. How do you reconcile loving 2 places so much that your heart hurts no matter where you are? For now I am grateful to be here for the short time God has allowed me and I am grateful that when I leave here I go to a place and to people I love just as much!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Small

I am Small. Even in this very small, very poor, very broken country that I am living in... I am small. I am seemingly insignificant. What could one American in a broken country of nearly 35,000,000 do to change anything? I live in a city of almost 2,000,000 people. How can I possibly think I can change a single thing?

Well because the Holy Spirit of God dwells within me. I am small, but He is huge! As long as my roots dwell in Him, He can grow me into anything He wishes me to be. He can accomplish anything He wants to!

Why am I writing about this? Well, this week the fact that I am very small has been made evident. As I sit in scripture unions with hundreds of high school students, as I walk down crowded streets where the only reason I'm noticed is because I look drastically different than everyone around me, as I play with kids who are sick and I can do nothing to help them... It's all so much all the time here. We do 10-15 projects a week encountering hundreds if not thousands of kids. What difference can be made?

Well for the one kid who sits on my lap for hours, love is making a huge different... Because he or she probably gets no one on one attention from anyone all week long. For the kid whose cut I clean and bandage, it makes the difference of increasing pain and infection or a cut that heals in a few days. To the child who's never heard I love you, being showered with kisses means the world.

Can I save Uganda? Probably not. Can I plant a seed that might one day save the life of a child who is dearly loved by the King of the Universe? Absolutely. So while I feel insignificant a lot of the time... To someone, I am changing a life! And that's a pretty big deal.

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone!

Lyrics from a song that has meant a lot to me this week: For your Splendor by Christy Nockels

With my roots deep in you

I will grow the branch that bares the fruit

And though I’m small I still will be standing in the storm.

Cause I am planted by the river

By your streams of living water

And I will grow up strong and beautiful all for your splendor Lord.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Sacrifice of Praise

Yesterday I returned to Kampala to one of the most warm welcomes I have ever experienced. I heard Nahni's back screamed from staff members, neighborhood kids, and MSTs. It was so wonderful and made it much easier to be back!

Friday night brought with it our usual worship night. As we were worshiped God began to reveal something to me... How incredibly powerful worship is. God brought back to my mind time after time in scripture when worship was what changed circumstances...

In Acts 16 Paul and Silas had been imprisoned for proclaiming Jesus. They were beaten and put into stocks in the jail. As they were in the stocks they began to pray and sing songs of worship. As they lifted their worship to God, the walls of the jail fell down!! The worship changed the circumstance!

In the Old Testament Israelites marched around the fortified city of Jericho. They were thought fools! They marched around the city for 7 days. On the 7th day they marched around the city 7 times and on the 7th time they cried out to God! They screamed the name above every name. and the walls fell! The worship changed the circumstance!

Before the Israelites entered the Promised Land they faced a huge army which it looked like they could not defeat... God told them to send out the worshipers before the soldiers! The battle was won! The worship changed the circumstance!

Am I being redundant?! Worship changes circumstances!!! 

As God was telling me all of this, I was thinking... I'm not really going through anything hard right now... Why is God bringing this to me when I'm in a really good place...

Well, as I was going to bed last night I was in a lot of pain and couldn't sleep. I was up most of the night and in pain through a lot of the day... As I was laying in pain I heard God say "Will you worship in this painful prison? Will you worship through the battle? Will you worship until the circumstances change?!" 

It's so humbling and hard to worship, to praise, to proclaim the name of Jesus through pain and through the battle.

But I did it anyway... What are you going through? What are you struggling with? Are you willing to worship through whatever God allows? Are you going to worship till the circumstances change (even if the only thing that changes is your heart?)

I bring a sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord! Sometimes praise is a sacrifice! Do it anyway. God doesn't change. He is good, He is love, He is faithful. No matter what!

Until All Have Heard,

lauren michelle gross

Jinja!

Hello from the happiest place on Earth! I know, a lot of you thought that was Disney World, but clearly you have never been to Canaan Children's Home! I love this place! I love the kids, I love the staff, I love the open country all around, I love hear little innocent voices in my ears all the time!

No really, this place is amazing!

I got here Monday afternoon and immediately felt like I was home again. I was attacked by children and could barely walk to bring my things inside. I then set out looking for some of my favorite kids from the last time I was here. It might be wrong to have favorite orphan kids, but I do!

A couple of weeks ago I saw on Canaan's facebook that one of their kids, Sarah had passed away. Sarah was one of mine last time I was here and I was heart broken. But Monday night as I played with the kids, Sarah got home from school and ran up to me!!! I cannot explain to you the joy I felt (still hate that one of the kids is gone, but so glad it wasn't this one that God had connected me with.)

As I found all of my kids, my heart became more and more full! As MyaEsther, Topista, Jane, Maria, Sarah, Patience and so many more hung all over me I felt God saying... "As much I you love them, I love you so much more! As much as you long for them, I long for you more! As much as you hurt when they hurt, I hurt for you more!" God's love is so faithful! So this week I am trying to crawl in His lap, dwell in His presence, and sit at His feet!

heart full!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

Is this real life?

Tonight I went out for a bit on my own... I just needed a little bit of alone time and "quiet". Quiet doesn't really exist here ever,it was a relative quiet.

As I was walking home, I started to think... Am I really living in Africa? Do I really walk down the streets by myself in a country on the other side of the world from the life I knew? Am I really following the call of God on my life in Uganda?! Is this real life?!?!?!

Well, yes. It is! I have been living in Uganda for over a month now. I venture out into the city on my own. I get to minister to hundreds of kids a week. I get to love on "the lease of these" every single day. I walk out of the gate of our house and get attacked by precious children who just want to spend time with me.

This place is so a part of my spirit and soul, sometimes I can't imagine living in the States again. And at times I want nothing more. Sometimes I question why God has put my heart in 2 places so very far apart. Why can't my family and friends be closer to the kids that steal my heart?

But I think about Jesus stepping down from His thrown in heaven and coming down to a lost and broken world... Why? Because He SO loved! He SO loved!! And that's why I rip my heart out to leave all of my family and friends because I SO love these kids! And they melt my heart daily!

So I guess the answer is... yes, this is real life. This is really where God has called me. He has really been faithful to get me here. And He has really been faithful to sustain me while I've been here!

P.S. I leave for Jinja in the morning to go to Canaan Children's Home!!! I don't know if there is a place that has stolen my heart more than Canaan and I cannot wait to see some kids I love!!!

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross

His Grace is Sufficient!!!

This week has been really great. I have gotten a lot closer to my fellow MSTs, I laughed so hard my abs hurt, ministry has been great, I haven't been homesick a lot, and God has just been so faithful to provide for all my needs.

Then.... this morning I woke up in extreme pain. I took medicine and went back to bed. As I was laying in bed (all morning) I just got madder and madder... Why was I in pain? If I am following what God wants me to do, why am I in pain? Why isn't God taking it away?

As I got up this afternoon, I was chatting with a couple of different people and praying. God just began to reveal to me words from scripture... My Grace is sufficient for you... I know the plans I have for you... I have established an everlasting covenant with you... I knew all your days before yet there was one...

God knows what is going on, He hasn't left me (even when I'm in pain). His grace is sufficient!

So as I look forward to what is coming next: Passion Kampala (I couldn't be more pumped!), Sunday I leave for Jinja to visit Canaan for a few days (I am praying for this to be a sweet time with the Lord, and a time of rest and spending time with kids that I love!!)

I appreciate your continued prayers as I deal with this illness.

until all have heard,
lauren michelle gross